Great Joy!

Beth, Tiffany, and Myself

I have been a stay at home Mom for about thirteen years. I have been babysitting children for over twenty years. This past October I quit watching children and decided to go back to school and get my G.E.D. I had spent so many years in my home that I was afraid to go out into the real world. I went to the store from time to time but that is not what you would call getting out and meeting new people and doing new things. I almost chickened out and didn't go to sign up, but with the love of my friends and family and two very special friends I did. I was so scared that I was not smart enough to make it or that I wasn't brave enough to keep going, but after a couple of weeks I really enjoyed the time spent there. I was out meeting new people and I was less afraid of what others may have thought of me.


On May 16,2007 I walked up the stairs to the podium and recieved my diploma. Just knowing that I made it and that I could do it put so much joy in me. I hope this feeling never fades away. Seeing all my friends and family there cheering me on and the pride in thier faces was enough to last me for the rest of my life. I don't know what I want to be or where I may end up , but I do know that as long as I have the Lord and the love of my family and friends I can do anything. I would tell anyone who wants to try to get thier G.E.D. to just go for it. I did and it was the best thing I could have ever done for myself.

I Cry Alone

I have a lot of people I call my friends. I talk to them as much as I can because I know that they need me. I like to make sure they always know that they can count on me to be there. In happy times or sad times I am always there. I want to be a comfort to them when times get rough and a source of laughter to keep them smiling. I keep a smile on my face and a song always plays in my heart. I have never placed any of my problems in the laps of my friends. I have always felt that I can handle any problems that come my way,until now.

A very dear friend of mine will pass away in the next year or so. This is the first time in my life that I have not been able to handle my emotions. I have tried to talk to friends about how I feel,but most of them are related to her and it causes them pain to talk about it. I don't want to cause them any more pain,but I need to talk to some one. I have a very close friend that I was talking to about it but I am not the one to bother people so I have stopped the talks all together. He has too much going on to deal with my emotional dilemmas. Usually praying has solved any problem I have had, but this time I need an answer.

I need to know that it is ok to feel the anger that I feel. I have never felt this kind of anger before and there is no one to be angry with. I know that it is just life and we have to deal with these things in our lives but right now I don't want to. I want to be a spoiled little kid that didn't get what they wanted and throw a fit. I want to scream until I have no voice. I want to punch some one or brake someything. Why do I have to be an adult and deal with it.

I do have to deal with it some how and do it without causing anyone else pain and that is why I cry alone.

Love And Freedom

I was reading an article the other day that got me thinking. It involved a Jewish man and a Catholic woman. They met and decided to date and had dated for a while before they discused their religous back grounds. They decided to keep dating even after they found out they were from different back grounds. They enjoyed each others company and after being together for a couple of years decided to get married. The family would not hear of it, and forbid them to marry. What I don't understand is why do the families feel that they should have any say so. You don't choose who you fall in love with and why should religous differeces play a roll in deciding weather they get married or not.

There are so many people out there who long to have the love of a good woman or man but don't because the one they do happen to fall in love with is of a different religion. It is just stupid to not marry the one you love because of such a minor difference. I have heard people say that it could cause problems with raising children. It only causes problems because one side is not open mined enough to let the other side have a say. I would let my child know the best of both religions and let them decide when they are older what they want to believe.

We live in America where men have fought and died so we could have the freedoms that we have today. For someone to say that it is not allowed or that you can not, is a mockery of what those men stood and fought for. We have built our glorious nation on the belief that we are free to make whatever decisions we see fit to make. We may make the wrong decisions but I want the right to make that wrong decision. I want the freedom to say I love him or her and if it is a mistake then it is my mistake to make. I say to all the people who have come across this problem" LOVE and have the FREEDOM to be loved".

True Friendship

True friendship is the hardest thing in this world to find ,
and even harder to keep. I find that it is much harder for
me to be a true friend then it is to except true friendship.
It is so easy to say you are a true friend to some one but
to live up to it takes real work. It is easy to be there for
them and keep contact but if I don't here from a friend
then I start to wonder do they really care for me as much.
Are they as caring as I am and should I be that caring to
them. I want to try even harder to please them but then
wonder am I just being a pest to them. Being a true friend
takes a lot of understanding and compromise. You think you
know what they want and then see that you were totally
wrong and screwed shit up. The great part about it is with
true friendships when you do screw up they don't care
and love you even more for the effort. The only people who can
acquire true friendships are the ones willing to work their asses
off for it. So if you are out there and you feel that you can never
trust anyone or find real friends, well maybe you are not working
hard enough.