Why?

I am sitting here at my computer crying and wondering why I am the way I am? I have never felt this way before and I don't know if it just me feeling sorry for myself. I have lived in this town all my life and now I feel that maybe I don't belong here or any where for that matter. I try to help my friends with their problems and then feel that I have made their lives worse. Why do I feel that I am a bother to people? I will not go to them with my problems because they have enough of their own. I have tried turning to God and if I had a church to go to I think I would feel more worthy of asking for his help. I feel that why should I ask for anything when I can't even decide how and where to serve him.




I feel alone all the time and I could be in a room full of people and still feel like I am not part of the group. I feel different then those I am friends with and sometimes that I am unworthy of even having friends. I use to be a very happy person that would laugh all the time. Now I find myself being criticized for everything I say and do. I feel that the more I go out into the world the more people want to hurt me. The more I see that I am nothing special and are not as smart as I once thought I was. I think that maybe I have come to the realization that maybe I am not making a difference in this world and that thought alone makes me sit here and cry.



I then turn to the computer and see that I am not very smart at all and that there are so many more people out there that are smarter and better people. I always felt that I was a good person but now I don't think so. I am trying very hard to become a better person but I just don't know what that is or who that is.



Why do I sit and worry about how I am portrayed to others? Maybe I just need to be me and not worry so much about how others see me. Why am I sitting here asking myself why? Why?