Friday, January 20, 2012

My Thoughts about going to Group

When I first heard there was going to be a group starting I was so excited. I was going to meet new people, that thought excited me and scared the crap out of me too. I liked the thought of getting input from others but then didn't like the thought that I may look like a fool. I have those thoughts a lot whenever I try going someplace. Those kinds of thoughts are what keep me from doing a lot of things I know I would love to do.

I had not heard much more about it so I had put the idea out of my mind. I got a phone call saying they were going to start the group and the first group meeting was to be on a Thursday at 6:30 pm. I kind of stuttered on the phone when she told me about it and wanted to flat out say sorry there was no way I could make it. I just said I would try and I left it at that. For the two weeks prior to the meeting I hardly slept because I could not get my brain to shut off. I kept thinking of how it was going to be and freaking myself out over it. Those wonderful thoughts that like to pop in and then I talk myself out of doing whatever it is I want to do.

The day finally came and Beth came with me. Her going with me calmed my nerves a lot but I still didn't want to go. I did enjoy going and I have met a couple ladies that could turn into new friends. I don't feel comfortable enough to talk about any of my problems. I have been to two meeting so far and I sit back and I just listen. Sometimes you can learn a lot just by listening to others. Maybe one day I will open up but I don't see that happening any time soon. I cant even open up to my counselor and I been going to see him for a couple years.

I do believe that this group will help me become a stronger person, but then my good friend doubt stops in for a visit and he is a hard one to send on his way. Most time when doubt comes to visit me he brings his annoying friend fear and I really don't like that guy at all. I plan to keep going and I am trying to keep a positive out look on it all. Everything happens for a reason so I am just going to go with it and see what happens.

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