Monday, May 14, 2007

I Cry Alone

I have a lot of people I call my friends. I talk to them as much as I can because I know that they need me. I like to make sure they always know that they can count on me to be there. In happy times or sad times I am always there. I want to be a comfort to them when times get rough and a source of laughter to keep them smiling. I keep a smile on my face and a song always plays in my heart. I have never placed any of my problems in the laps of my friends. I have always felt that I can handle any problems that come my way,until now.

A very dear friend of mine will pass away in the next year or so. This is the first time in my life that I have not been able to handle my emotions. I have tried to talk to friends about how I feel,but most of them are related to her and it causes them pain to talk about it. I don't want to cause them any more pain,but I need to talk to some one. I have a very close friend that I was talking to about it but I am not the one to bother people so I have stopped the talks all together. He has too much going on to deal with my emotional dilemmas. Usually praying has solved any problem I have had, but this time I need an answer.

I need to know that it is ok to feel the anger that I feel. I have never felt this kind of anger before and there is no one to be angry with. I know that it is just life and we have to deal with these things in our lives but right now I don't want to. I want to be a spoiled little kid that didn't get what they wanted and throw a fit. I want to scream until I have no voice. I want to punch some one or brake someything. Why do I have to be an adult and deal with it.

I do have to deal with it some how and do it without causing anyone else pain and that is why I cry alone.

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