Life is a roller coaster!: May 2007

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Great Joy!

Beth, Tiffany, and Myself

I have been a stay at home Mom for about thirteen years. I have been babysitting children for over twenty years. This past October I quit watching children and decided to go back to school and get my G.E.D. I had spent so many years in my home that I was afraid to go out into the real world. I went to the store from time to time but that is not what you would call getting out and meeting new people and doing new things. I almost chickened out and didn't go to sign up, but with the love of my friends and family and two very special friends I did. I was so scared that I was not smart enough to make it or that I wasn't brave enough to keep going, but after a couple of weeks I really enjoyed the time spent there. I was out meeting new people and I was less afraid of what others may have thought of me.

On May 16,2007 I walked up the stairs to the podium and recieved my diploma. Just knowing that I made it and that I could do it put so much joy in me. I hope this feeling never fades away. Seeing all my friends and family there cheering me on and the pride in thier faces was enough to last me for the rest of my life. I don't know what I want to be or where I may end up , but I do know that as long as I have the Lord and the love of my family and friends I can do anything. I would tell anyone who wants to try to get thier G.E.D. to just go for it. I did and it was the best thing I could have ever done for myself.

Monday, May 14, 2007

I Cry Alone

I have a lot of people I call my friends. I talk to them as much as I can because I know that they need me. I like to make sure they always know that they can count on me to be there. In happy times or sad times I am always there. I want to be a comfort to them when times get rough and a source of laughter to keep them smiling. I keep a smile on my face and a song always plays in my heart. I have never placed any of my problems in the laps of my friends. I have always felt that I can handle any problems that come my way,until now.

A very dear friend of mine will pass away in the next year or so. This is the first time in my life that I have not been able to handle my emotions. I have tried to talk to friends about how I feel,but most of them are related to her and it causes them pain to talk about it. I don't want to cause them any more pain,but I need to talk to some one. I have a very close friend that I was talking to about it but I am not the one to bother people so I have stopped the talks all together. He has too much going on to deal with my emotional dilemmas. Usually praying has solved any problem I have had, but this time I need an answer.

I need to know that it is ok to feel the anger that I feel. I have never felt this kind of anger before and there is no one to be angry with. I know that it is just life and we have to deal with these things in our lives but right now I don't want to. I want to be a spoiled little kid that didn't get what they wanted and throw a fit. I want to scream until I have no voice. I want to punch some one or brake someything. Why do I have to be an adult and deal with it.

I do have to deal with it some how and do it without causing anyone else pain and that is why I cry alone.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Love And Freedom

I was reading an article the other day that got me thinking. It involved a Jewish man and a Catholic woman. They met and decided to date and had dated for a while before they discused their religous back grounds. They decided to keep dating even after they found out they were from different back grounds. They enjoyed each others company and after being together for a couple of years decided to get married. The family would not hear of it, and forbid them to marry. What I don't understand is why do the families feel that they should have any say so. You don't choose who you fall in love with and why should religous differeces play a roll in deciding weather they get married or not.

There are so many people out there who long to have the love of a good woman or man but don't because the one they do happen to fall in love with is of a different religion. It is just stupid to not marry the one you love because of such a minor difference. I have heard people say that it could cause problems with raising children. It only causes problems because one side is not open mined enough to let the other side have a say. I would let my child know the best of both religions and let them decide when they are older what they want to believe.

We live in America where men have fought and died so we could have the freedoms that we have today. For someone to say that it is not allowed or that you can not, is a mockery of what those men stood and fought for. We have built our glorious nation on the belief that we are free to make whatever decisions we see fit to make. We may make the wrong decisions but I want the right to make that wrong decision. I want the freedom to say I love him or her and if it is a mistake then it is my mistake to make. I say to all the people who have come across this problem" LOVE and have the FREEDOM to be loved".

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

True Friendship

True friendship is the hardest thing in this world to find ,
and even harder to keep. I find that it is much harder for
me to be a true friend then it is to except true friendship.
It is so easy to say you are a true friend to some one but
to live up to it takes real work. It is easy to be there for
them and keep contact but if I don't here from a friend
then I start to wonder do they really care for me as much.
Are they as caring as I am and should I be that caring to
them. I want to try even harder to please them but then
wonder am I just being a pest to them. Being a true friend
takes a lot of understanding and compromise. You think you
know what they want and then see that you were totally
wrong and screwed shit up. The great part about it is with
true friendships when you do screw up they don't care
and love you even more for the effort. The only people who can
acquire true friendships are the ones willing to work their asses
off for it. So if you are out there and you feel that you can never
trust anyone or find real friends, well maybe you are not working
hard enough.

Sunday, May 6, 2007

Where To Turn?

I chose at a young age to follow the Lord. I started going to church and spent most of my life thinking of them as family. I went against family and friends to stand for what I believed to be the right way in my life. I went to public school and was spat upon and beaten for standing up for my beliefs. I never backed down and never let the smile fade from my face. I spent two and a half years at an academy run by the church. Then after an unfortunate incident I left. I felt abandoned by the only family I had ever known and the only people I felt safe with.

The church is gone now and replaced with a store. I still have a lot of my old beliefs but can not find a church to call my home. I also have new beliefs and don't know where they would fit in. I know from the deepest parts of my heart that the Lord is there and that serving him was when I was truly happiest in my life. I just don't know what I am. Friends have told me to just say that I am a christian,but what is a christian with no fellowship, lonely. Where do you go when you don't know what faith you are? I am a good person who has always tried to put others needs before the needs of myself, but feel empty because I miss the fellowship of christian friends. I would never let it bother me before but, with the recent events that have been happening in our world I feel that I need to be where I have truly felt the safest. Where do you turn when you know in your soul that there is a place that God wants you and you can't find it? The pull of a love so deep that it causes you pain to be away.

Untitled

This poem was written by a friend. Craig,
I don't know where you are, but your poem still lives.
Even though she broke your heart all those years ago,
it produced a beautiful poem.

Starring at a moon,
a different moon,
It is a moon of empty,
lonely cries of one
man needing to be
loved, lusted, needed,
By a person whom
once made him whole
Made him pure
Made him happy.

Now this same man
has his pride, his self being,
and his hopes and dreams,
But these things mean nothing
without her, but keep in mind
that he may have that again......Soon
Craig E.

Joe

Sand has passed,
Threw the hour glass.
People have come,
Friends have gone.
But love for a child,
Not even your own.
Will always thrive,
And always grow.

You had a child,
Of different blood.
You took him in,
As your son.
You made him your brother,
Would except no other.

Right now you are sad,
But you can be glad.
For though you are apart,
He will always be in your heart.

Sindi C.

Saturday, May 5, 2007

We Effect So Many

The sun is coming in the window on a brisk and chilly day. I sit back in my chair and contemplate all the changes that have occurred in my life. Over the years there have been friends that have come and gone, and fewer boyfriends I have dated and dumped. Family and friends have grown older and a handful have passed from this rain of existence. I like to think that someday we will meet again on some greater plain. The thought of seeing them again keeps a smile on my face and a song in my heart.

The influence of one person can impact so many other lives that even though we may feel small and unimportant we all make a difference. I think about my life and wonder if I did make a difference. I came to the realization that every little thing we do or say has had an effect on some one's life. We choose our own course in life by the choices we make and control the course of many other lives with no knowledge that we are helping to choose their course also. To us the choice may seem trivial or unimportant, but nothing in our lives is ever trivial. I do hope and pray that the meaningless choices I have made throughout my life make a major difference in someone Else's life, for the better.

Awards Page

This page was created to show off all the awards given to me by my friends. Please enjoy them because I sure do. :) I have added links so all you have to do is click on their names to go straight to their blog.

Awards from Amel

Awards from Michelle

Award from Daszzle

Awards from Mel

Award from Kathy

Awards from Choc Mint Girl

Awards From Cliff

Awards From Crystal

Awards From Julianna

Awards from Roger

Awards from Liquid

Friday, May 4, 2007

Buttons

I created this page to add all my friend's Buttons. Just click on a button and it will take you to their site.

Snapshots By Sindi

This page is to be a link to all my Wordless Wednesday posts. I wanted someplace where I could show off all the pictures I have ever taken. All you have to do is click on the link below of the set you would like to see. The links will take you to that set photos. I hope you all enjoy them.

God's Canvas

Random Shots -3

Butterfly plants

Blossoms

Bir ds

Beauty in The Skys

More Rainbows

Rainbows

Cemetery

Random Shots -2

Collages

Random Shots

Duckies

Nature